Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
