he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
