She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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