I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
