trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
