So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
