I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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