I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
