trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
