Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
