: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
