Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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