so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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