why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
40s are totally the cure
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
