hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
