dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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