hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
