your room smells of hookers.
And success
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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