you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
