he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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