Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
