there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
