It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
