i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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