You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
