People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Randomize
