I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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