I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
