Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
