god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
