Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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