I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
