The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
