I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
third nipple confirmed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
