I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
