my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize