I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
