I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
