yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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