Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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