Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
