He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
