i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
