why didn't you poke me back
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you never un-have a 4some
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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