I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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