I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
