i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
