Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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