Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
