If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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