it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm always down for nudity.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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