Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize