She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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