I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
