no one should ever give us hovercrafts
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Panties = found
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
