My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just gargled with NyQuil
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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