i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
