I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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