We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
