i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
