So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
