Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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