My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
