drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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