she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
