it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
