i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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