I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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