For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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