i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
