Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize