so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
