now i know why i became what i already was.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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