I cockslap morals
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
