babies were throwing up all over the place
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
