I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
