Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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