I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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