i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize