If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize